Resurrecting the Blog, and Finding My Passion

Hello, Everyone!

It's been a long time since I last posted on this blog (last I checked, it was sometime in 2010), and I debated whether I should start a new blog or just resurrect this old one.  As I'm (obviously) not very good at the whole social media/blogging/getting my voice out there thing, I decided I'd just resurrect this one.  Last time I wrote, I was in the middle of teaching, hoping to get out of work in time to make the one-hour drive home before the "winter storm to end all storms" hit.  (FYI, the "winter storm" turned out to be a lot of blustery wind, some big clouds, and a little drizzle)  Today, three-and-a-half years later, I am no longer a teacher.  I decided to stop teaching (personal reasons I won't bore you with), go back to school, get a second degree in biology, and go on to graduate school in the hopes of becoming a mad scientist with the know-how to conquer the world!

Okay, honestly, I wanted to help to save the world by finding new compounds from natural sources that could cure diseases and alleviate illnesses.

So, what has brought me back to this lowly blog, in the hopes of resurrecting a fallen beast?

I didn't get into my grad school of choice.

Now, that doesn't mean I won't get into grad school, as I have already interviewed at a second school and haven't heard back from four others, but it came as a heavy blow.  I knew I'd messed up on one or two interviews, that I'd been really flustered and had made some major errors when explaining my research experience, but this was THE school, with THE program, that made me decide that quitting teaching and landing myself in debt with seemingly insurmountable student loans was the right choice.  And, well, not getting into this school, of all schools, made me question my choice that I made in late March of 2011.

How could I, who was so sure of myself, who got good grades the first and second time around, not get into the program I desired?  Was I so cut off from the world, so lost in myself, that I had developed some fatal flaw?  Was I a pariah, untouchable by graduate schools?

Self-doubt, if you can't guess, at its finest.

And so, as I examine myself and my life these past few years, I've realized something: I have not let my passion flourish and grow.  I believe that this wonderful earth, this extraordinary planet we live on, is full of plants, animals, fungi, bacteria, little amoebas, viruses, that can all help to save us from ourselves.  I believe that this planet was given to us by God, to rule over, but not in the way that some people think.  We are meant to be stewards of this earth, to rule in kindness, and by studying this planet and all its inhabitants, we can find all we need right where we stand.  I believe that every living thing has a purpose, whether to look upon as beautiful or to provide us with a compound that can cure cancer, and it is up to us to find it, care for it, and learn from it.  Yet, though I am passionate about this, I have not allowed myself to learn about it, to grow from it, to become wiser through it.  I have sat back for the past three years and let the world pass me by, scared in my own little room, terrified of what I might encounter.

For that is my fatal flaw: fear, disguised as slothfulness.

I vow to overcome this fear, to find--or re-find--the magic of the world and the magic within my own heart.  If I get into graduate school, I shall rejoice.  If not, I will find some other job, one I can be passionate about and that will let me research those compounds, those plants, those animals I care so much about.  I will study hard, gain experience, and decide--if I don't get into grad school--exactly how to tailor my next year's graduate applications to my specific interests and passions. It is passion that sets us apart, that makes us unique, that guides us to make a difference in the world.  Not just me, but everyone around me.  Everyone has something they love, something that they must follow.  It might not make them rich or famous.  Hey, it might not even take them out of their hometown.  But it is the passion--for life, for love, for happiness--that lets us grow.

Seek your passion, as I shall seek mine.