I Am an Advocate for Life

I am an advocate for life.

Today, I heard of a young woman who committed suicide last night, the same young woman whose brother committed suicide three years before.  I have never met this woman, but my mother has, and she was heartbroken.

Suicide is something that we see in the news, that we hear about from friends and family members, and that we almost immediately hush.  My heart aches whenever I hear about someone who has chosen to end their life because of reasons I will never understand.  It is said that depression is the main reason for suicide, but I have also heard it said that there are millions of people with depression but the only people who commit suicide are the ones who feel the world would be better off without them.

My brothers.  My sisters.  My fellow human beings: you are important.  You are children of God.  You are more important than all the earth and more dazzling than the sun.  Every last one of you, you matter.  Please, do not suffer alone.  Come to me, to your friends, to your family.  Go to someone you trust, someone you admire.  Talk to them.  Talk to me.  I will listen.  You are loved.

And to those who notice someone in distress: go to them.  If you are that trusted someone, listen.  Mourn with them.  Then lift them up.  Rejoice with them.  Smile with them.  Be there for them.  Don't ignore them.

I know my words are inadequate.  I have not been in the terrible situation of knowing someone personally who has taken their own life.  But I do know people who came close, who turned away from that choice because of family and friends who supported them and loved them unconditionally, who knew it was important to recognize the problem and talk it through, who never gave up even though it took months for their loved one to become healthy and happy once more.  Please, let us all be advocates for life, people who lift one another, who speak kindness and open our arms to accept those around us.

I close this post with this video of Josh Groban's song "You Are Loved."  It has gotten me through many hard times, and I hope it helps you in yours.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today, I am going to talk about a well-known holiday.  This holiday is often filled with pink and red heart-shaped balloons, heart-shaped chocolates, heart-shaped flower arrangements, and heart-shaped pizza.  Yes, I'm talking about Valentine's Day.

Most years on this day I sit depressed in my room, staring at the walls, thinking of all the happy couples giving gifts to each other.  This behavior started in Junior High when girls--who I then considered lucky--got glass roses from their boyfriends and parents delivered to them in the middle of class (but someone like me, who was often out of the loop, never knew if that thirteen-year-old girl had a boyfriend or if it was just their parents treating them super special).

Two years were different.  On one year I had a crush on a boy and gave him a can of hot cocoa (I felt that was a clear enough message without being too forward).  I soon after became that boy's girlfriend and we dated for six months or so.  While at first it felt good to have so much attention, the relation eventually became a place that was unhealthy for either of us as he turned into an emotionally controlling boyfriend and I was too compliant to put my foot down.  My mother was actually the one who kicked him out of the house and broke us up.

On another year, I had been dating a young man for a couple of months--though we hadn't yet even held hands.  He was taking it slow, and I was so madly in love with him that I decided I'd let him go as slow as he wanted.  I was giddy with excitement on Valentine's Day.  They night before, I had fussed over the cards section, looking for the perfect card--one that wasn't too lovey-dovey but that clearly stated that I hoped someday we would be more than friends that went on outings every weekend (and sometimes mid-week).  I also got him chocolates of the non-heart-shaped variety--gourmet dark chocolates, each bar made with different cocoa beans from different parts of the world, yielding unique and exotic flavors.  I called him, asking him to come over, and I gave him the chocolates, flirting so hard and feeling so giddy that I was somewhere near the stars.  He gave me nothing, said he'd forgotten all about Valentine's Day.  I was still a little giddy, but somewhat deflated.  When he left, I felt awkward, stupid, and a bit empty.  Later that evening, my dad came over to my apartment and hand-delivered my annual Valentine's Day gift from my parents--a teddy bear with a little pink sweatshirt.  I've never been so pleased to see a teddy bear and felt so much love for my parents (especially my dad, the bearer of gifts) than at that moment.  I've often slept with that teddy bear since then--she's getting a little tattered by now.

What does this have to do with Valentine's Day today?  Well, looking back on these experiences, I've realized something.  I have never been alone on Valentine's Day--not truly.  Yes, there were times that I may have felt alone, times when I felt misunderstood, lonely, depressed, but there have always been this small group of people that I could always--always--count on.  My family has always been there for me.  They have always showered me with love, regardless of the day of the year.  I love them deeply, and I am happy for them and their successes.  I would rather spend all my Valentine's Days single than trade my family for another one.  Perhaps I am lucky that way.

So everyone, hug your loved ones today!  Singles, stop calling this day Singles Awareness Day.  It's not--it's Valentine's Day.  So stop looking at those depressing gray walls, stop stuffing your face with that chocolate and ice cream that you bought yourselves, and go hug a loved one today--a friend, a parent, a dog.  Those of you with spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends/significant others, I rejoice for you.  Love them, cherish them, treat them right.  Those of you with children, love them with all your might!  Teach them that Valentine's Day is more than glass roses and boxed chocolates.  Teach them that it is one day a year to have fun with showing love.  Show love every day, but make it extra fun today--bake cookies, have a bubble party, make a movie.  Everyone, let's celebrate all the loved ones in our lives today!

Herbs are Magic! (Well they're useful, anyway)

In order to be a successful blogger, many people say you should post something new every day.  Well, I don't know if I'll be able to keep that up, or if you HAVE to post every day to be "successful," but I kind of like the idea of posting something every day--it's kind of like having a column in the daily newspaper (though one I'm not being paid for).  So today I decided I'll write about herbs!

The whole culture surrounding herbs--using these natural organisms for poultices, tonics, tinctures, and the like, saying that it is better for the body--is what drew me towards bioprospecting, or looking for medicinal compounds in natural products.  Why, I thought, aren't more people in the scientific community researching more of the herbs that are used by millions--if not billions--of people around the world?  Some of the old herbalism and apothecary sciences might be old wives' tales, but not all of them.  And while there are several people doing experiments with the whole plant or with the essential oils, why aren't more scientists looking for active compounds in the herbs to validate herbalists' work or to engineer medicines that may work better for the body?  My grandmother was a self-taught herbalist, and though she died when my mother was young I grew up hearing now and then of the remedies she'd use for colds and aches and how she was a healer in the community (who did so out of the goodness of her heart, not so that she could be paid).  All of these things made me want to bring the scientific community, including modern medicine, and old remedies closer together, to bridge the gap between "traditional medicine" and "holistic medicine."

Some people think I'm crazy for wanting to learn the healing properties of herbs.  Some people think I'm crazy that I want to learn about herbs but also don't want to throw out traditional medicine.  I think that these are two parts of the same whole, and that if we bridge the gap and allow ourselves to be open-minded and learn about both vast reservoirs of knowledge that we can live more fully, with less pain, less stress, and more physical and spiritual health.  Is that such a bad thing?

Because of my schooling, and the fear shrouded in laziness that I eluded to in my previous post, I have not had the chance to learn much about herbs over the past year.  I did purchase several books on medicinal plants of the Rocky Mountains, as well as a starter book of edible herbs to grow.  I have successfully kept my herbs indoors throughout the winter without them dying (most of them, anyway.  My poor peppermint will probably have to be replanted).  I know a vague bit about the medicinal properties of ginger, peppermint, and chamomile.  This year, I hope to expand my knowledge of herbs and plant at least one new type of herb.  That herb is Anise.  I don't know much about it, except that I love its licorice flavor and that chewing the seeds after eating can help with digestion and preventing bad breath.  So, here's to 2014, when hopefully I'll be able to get into a graduate school and start my dream of bridging two worlds.

Resurrecting the Blog, and Finding My Passion

Hello, Everyone!

It's been a long time since I last posted on this blog (last I checked, it was sometime in 2010), and I debated whether I should start a new blog or just resurrect this old one.  As I'm (obviously) not very good at the whole social media/blogging/getting my voice out there thing, I decided I'd just resurrect this one.  Last time I wrote, I was in the middle of teaching, hoping to get out of work in time to make the one-hour drive home before the "winter storm to end all storms" hit.  (FYI, the "winter storm" turned out to be a lot of blustery wind, some big clouds, and a little drizzle)  Today, three-and-a-half years later, I am no longer a teacher.  I decided to stop teaching (personal reasons I won't bore you with), go back to school, get a second degree in biology, and go on to graduate school in the hopes of becoming a mad scientist with the know-how to conquer the world!

Okay, honestly, I wanted to help to save the world by finding new compounds from natural sources that could cure diseases and alleviate illnesses.

So, what has brought me back to this lowly blog, in the hopes of resurrecting a fallen beast?

I didn't get into my grad school of choice.

Now, that doesn't mean I won't get into grad school, as I have already interviewed at a second school and haven't heard back from four others, but it came as a heavy blow.  I knew I'd messed up on one or two interviews, that I'd been really flustered and had made some major errors when explaining my research experience, but this was THE school, with THE program, that made me decide that quitting teaching and landing myself in debt with seemingly insurmountable student loans was the right choice.  And, well, not getting into this school, of all schools, made me question my choice that I made in late March of 2011.

How could I, who was so sure of myself, who got good grades the first and second time around, not get into the program I desired?  Was I so cut off from the world, so lost in myself, that I had developed some fatal flaw?  Was I a pariah, untouchable by graduate schools?

Self-doubt, if you can't guess, at its finest.

And so, as I examine myself and my life these past few years, I've realized something: I have not let my passion flourish and grow.  I believe that this wonderful earth, this extraordinary planet we live on, is full of plants, animals, fungi, bacteria, little amoebas, viruses, that can all help to save us from ourselves.  I believe that this planet was given to us by God, to rule over, but not in the way that some people think.  We are meant to be stewards of this earth, to rule in kindness, and by studying this planet and all its inhabitants, we can find all we need right where we stand.  I believe that every living thing has a purpose, whether to look upon as beautiful or to provide us with a compound that can cure cancer, and it is up to us to find it, care for it, and learn from it.  Yet, though I am passionate about this, I have not allowed myself to learn about it, to grow from it, to become wiser through it.  I have sat back for the past three years and let the world pass me by, scared in my own little room, terrified of what I might encounter.

For that is my fatal flaw: fear, disguised as slothfulness.

I vow to overcome this fear, to find--or re-find--the magic of the world and the magic within my own heart.  If I get into graduate school, I shall rejoice.  If not, I will find some other job, one I can be passionate about and that will let me research those compounds, those plants, those animals I care so much about.  I will study hard, gain experience, and decide--if I don't get into grad school--exactly how to tailor my next year's graduate applications to my specific interests and passions. It is passion that sets us apart, that makes us unique, that guides us to make a difference in the world.  Not just me, but everyone around me.  Everyone has something they love, something that they must follow.  It might not make them rich or famous.  Hey, it might not even take them out of their hometown.  But it is the passion--for life, for love, for happiness--that lets us grow.

Seek your passion, as I shall seek mine.